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  • Writer's pictureCaren Siegler

What Does It Mean To Matter?

Updated: Nov 26, 2018

I was at an Oprah event listening to her speak about life and love and challenges and triumphs. The good, the bad, how life is incredible and sometimes it’s not. Quintessential amazing Oprah stuff. Then on the screen behind her this popped up – “Every one of us is looking for the same thing – we want to know we matter”. How perfectly timed this was because at that exact moment I was feeling like anything but someone who mattered. I was feeling left out and ignored. I was feeling like everyone was looking through me like I wasn’t even there. I was feeling like I didn’t matter. But who didn’t I matter to? That is the million dollar question.

We know that we have to love ourselves before we can expect to be loved by others. So I guess that means we have to matter to ourselves as well. What does that even look like?

"Did you know that being ignored is the worst thing one person can do to another? To mean absolutely nothing. Devastating!"

Does mattering to myself mean that I shouldn’t look on Facebook anymore so I don’t know that I wasn’t invited to that lunch? I felt awful. And I better stay off Insta as well, so many people having so much fun without me. And not even random people, my friends! Or so I thought as I scrolled through all their moments.

Social media is hell on self-esteem! As happy as we are for our friends who are taking amazing trips, having amazing dinners, birthing amazing babies and partying at amazing venues, we are not in their picture. Even if every bit of rationale tells us we aren’t supposed to be, it’s still not being part of something, being left out. Does that mean we don’t matter? Probably not. But we can tell ourselves anything and believe it.

How often do we feel like we don’t matter? It can show up in different ways. When we are not included. When our opinion isn’t considered. When we are ignored. Did you know that being ignored is the worst thing one person can do to another? Fight with me, argue with me, tell me I’m crazy. Just don’t ignore me. When you ignore another person you are telling them you’re not worth fighting with, you’re not worth my breath, my thoughts or my time. You’re not important to me at all. Devastating! To mean absolutely nothing. Simply devastating!

Do you matter to yourself? Do you take time to love every part of you, perfect or not, and make yourself feel important. Do you feed yourself healthy food and take yourself to the gym? Do you take the time to pay attention to your own needs? For quiet or for space. For fun. For dancing or splashing in the ocean? How much time do you spend mattering to you? Could that be the answer to mattering to the world?

Me? I matter enough to myself to drag my tired body to the gym at crazy hours of the morning and to hunt down the freshest organic food. I matter enough to put on makeup and wear clothes that, I believe, enhance my appearance. I don’t think I always consider my soul though, my heart, my self worth. I’ve told you that I take chances. Sometimes those chances are beyond reason and I know it. Does that mean I’m not honoring myself or mattering to myself? Or is it that I’m just a little crazy and hope it will all turn out the way I want it to despite it all? Eventually I do come around, that dead horse is so dead it’s beyond trying to revive, and then sanity kicks in. And so does mattering to myself and taking into consideration what’s best for my life. How does that show up in the world? I just don’t know. I really don’t know what message I’m sending to the universe.

The Universe and I have had some pretty incredible encounters. If you haven’t read it yet, spend a little time with my blog The Good, The Bad and The Universe. I know, with every bit of my being, that the Universe is listening to me, to you, to all of us. So when we don’t matter to ourselves, is that what we’re getting back – not mattering to anyone else?

I think I’ve opened up a Pandora’s box of sorts, a source of unexpected troubles, because I’m asking the questions I don’t have the answers to. But I need those answers to move forward, to understand the messages I’m sending and to finish this blog. I think I have to leave this unfinished for now. No conclusion, no wrap-up sentiment and certainly none of my unsolicited, but very sane advice. I’m going to come back to finish this after some exploration of my own. I can’t even tell you how distressing this is for me, I am not a person who leaves things undone! There are lessons here, especially for me.

I appreciate you for hanging in with me. In the meantime, I would love to know what how you make yourself matter to you. Please send me a note.

With love,


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